“Dead Like Me” is a TV series I watched several years ago. While I certainly don’t subscribe to its “theology”, watching made me particularly introspective about our time here on this planet. The Bible is clear about not being promised any certain amount of time on the earth. There are times, like Paul, I sincerely want to be with Jesus and just forget all this ridiculous earth drama. And then I realize I’m here for a reason, and so I do my best to be whatever it is I’m supposed to be though I’m not exactly sure what itis. Enter Oswald Chambers: every time I read his devotionals it’s like God gets right in my face and asks, “Now do you get it?”
Today’s devotional was about being not only ok with, but also excited about the inevitable uncertainty of life. I’m a “why???” person. I probably drove my parents insane as I tried to figure out the universe at age 3. I am equally sure God must tire of hearing me ask why and therefore sent me this tangible devotional in black and white.
I can relate on some level to not being able to know why. When my children ask for something that may harm them, or desire a freedom they aren’t yet equipped to handle, I say no and even when I explain why they are still angry. They don’t understand, but I do. I wish they would hear me out, look at me and say, “Thank you, mother, for your infinite wisdom without which we would surely perish”. But the odds of that are somewhere around my winning the Powerball, as I’ve never purchased a ticket.
Don’t get me wrong; God can take all my questions, all my demands. He is patient as I stomp my feet and pout when the answer isn’t what I want to hear. But living in that state of disappointment, or worse still, entitlement, robs us of the joy of expectation. I don’t know why God allows certain people the privilege of breathing after the horrendous things they’ve done. I don’t know why children die and good things happen to bad people. I exhaust myself trying to attain that which I’m not meant to have.
We live on the back side of the quilt where we are we see all the loose threads and the seams that look to us like chaos. One day we will see the right side. We will get to see how the chaos wove together to form one large tapestry. One day it will make sense. That is something I have to tell myself daily, because each day absolutely has enough trouble of its own. So, God, thank you for your infinite wisdom without which I would surely die.